Tuesday, December 27, 2011

What a year.

I'm not sure I'll look back on 2011 with many fond memories. For reasons that aren't completely clear to me, this year has been one of my most difficult.

Lots of great things happened. Lots of changes.

My little sister, Kathryn, got married. Two of my good friends also got married. I went home for a pseudo-ten-year reunion. My little brother, James, got his mission call -- Benin, Cotonou. Ever heard of it? Us neither.
My sister, Christine, got engaged. I went to my first country concert -- Sugarland. I kind of enjoyed it. DON'T get your hopes up, country fans. I only kind of enjoyed it. My godniece started walking.

I finally found the perfect peppermint ice cream -- Schwan's. Me oh my, it's divine. My ward basketball team took second in Regionals. Yes, I wore the tattoo sleeve the entire season.

Just recently I got an ovation for bearing my testimony at a Relief Society activity. What? It happens to Glenn Beck all the time. I may or may not have strongly hinted that I wanted one -- is that wrong...?

You would think with all these things going on that the year wouldn't have been such a struggle. But it was. And it's taking its toll. Ladies and gentleman, I got my first A-.

Not ever, people. I'm not nearly as brilliant as everyone thinks I am. First this go-round -- in purportedly the easiest technical elective offered by the mechanical engineering department. People who don't even go to class get A's. And I went to class. Apparently that was my first mistake...

I thought graduating would be easier this time. Unfortunately, 4 more grueling years of school and $25,000 in tuition haven't given me much more of an idea of what I want to do. I am, once again, directionless. There was a part of me that thought that companies would line up to hire me, a female mechanical engineering student with a 4.0...well...a 3.99 now. I was hoping I wouldn't have to pursue a course of action because it would be pursuing me. Huh, I think I just summed up my whole life-philosophy...think about it, it explains a lot.

Back to engineering -- it's not that I dislike it, I'm just not sure I'll be any good at it. My GPA is misleading. All it means is I'm organized. And brilliant.

Who knows what 2012 will bring but here's hoping it'll be a sweet job in a sweet location where I'll meet a sweet, sweet, sexy man. We don't even have to get married. I'm pretty sure that just dating one for a couple months will cheer me right up.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Holiday grumps.

I realized tonight that I get end-of-the-year holiday grumps.

Around this time I've been in school for 4 months, finals are coming up, and there's HalloweenThanksgivingChristmasNewYears - all in 2 months and 2 days. The holidays make me miss my family.

I know. No one wants to read yet another post about how much someone loves their family. It's just...I don't get to see them that often. I went home a lot this year -- four times come Christmas, in fact -- but it still doesn't seem like enough. Not this time of year.

Maybe it's on my mind because most of my friends are from around here. They have holiday parties and Sunday dinner and people who come listen to them speak in church and take them shopping and help when their car needs a-fixin'. Gripe. Gripe. Gripe. Don't get me wrong. I'm pretty well taken care of here. Some of my friends' families have been more than gracious to me, and I will love them forever for it...but it's different somehow. I will always be an outsider in someone else's family; always relying on their charitable feelings towards me. I would much rather abuse them like I can my own family.
Families are funny, aren't they? I guess I can't speak for yours, but mine is. I don't talk to them very often...oh, once a month or so -- we're awful communicators -- but somehow they get me. Without knowing many of my life's tedious details, they get me.

I am instantly comfortable with them.

We go well together, my family and me. No, they're not perfect. In fact, we're slightly dysfunctional but gosh, they're fun to be with. So yes, I miss them. And I think about going home constantly. And I'm sorry if you hate this post but it's written and it's going public, so shaddapa you face.