It’s about war. Peace…anti-war…peace.

I don’t often make goals, and I keep them .00176% of the time, but last night I finished a goal that I had made: to read War and Peace. This book is included in the collection of “Great Books of the Western World” and is named as one of the “100 Most Influential Books Ever Written” and “1,001 Books You Must Read Before You Die.” Not to mention the lists, “22 Books That Alternate as a Weapon” and “Books to Use When a Ladder Won’t Do.”

With such a rap sheet, one would expect to feel a sense of pride after an accomplishment of that magnitude. A sense that, “You wouldn’t understand this book even if you undertook to read it...which you probably won’t.” A sense that I had become culturally refined merely by reading it. Perhaps it’s because I run in circles where I’m struggling just to keep up, or maybe because I didn’t understand the book myself…but I don’t feel relieved, unburdened, or refined. I feel like I should still be reading it. When I finished, I put it down and I felt like I should pick it up again, but there was nothing left! I suppose that’s what happens when you work on something for 5 months and finish it without closure.

Instead, I am left feeling…intrigued. I didn’t like the way the book ended. There was no conclusion, unless you call a 40 page monologue on historical philosophy that in no way enlightens the storyline a conclusion. Despite the ending, despite the 354 characters and the 32 variations on their names, despite the less than ideal love story, despite the fact that I didn’t get anything out of it other than a strong impression of Tolstoy’s contempt for the supposed genius of Napoleon and the error of historians, despite the fact that I didn’t love it, I loved it. I feel like I know I read something amazing but I’m not sure what that means, and I want to read it again and again until I do. And for a 1500 page book, that’s saying a lot.

Unfortunately, unless I live an extra hundred years I won’t be reading War and Peace again. Let’s be realistic, I have 1,000 other books to read before I die.