Procrastination and perfectionism--two terrible bedfellows.

I hate being in charge. I hate it with a violent and enduring passion. Strong words? Possibly, but I’d rather face the truth than hide behind a wall of falsehoods even if the truth is incriminating. Unless of course the latter is easier, in which case I might lie to your face.

Being in charge makes me crazy. I stress out…a lot…in my efforts to get everything planned out just right. I worry that people won’t have a good time. I worry that it will be my fault. I worry that I will miss something important and reap failure. I worry so much that when it comes time to participate in whatever it is I’m in charge of, I have a hard time actually enjoying it.

You would think, with this overwhelmingly negative reaction that I would avoid leadership opportunities like they were going out of style--we all know how fashionably minded I am. So why do I thrive on it? Why do I enjoy being in charge? Why don’t I delegate more? Believe me, if I could get away with doing as little as possible, I would…and I do at times. Just ask my coworkers.

Perhaps I get so stressed out because when it comes time to actually preparing--you know, getting ready in order to help things run smoothly--I completely space it. Generally, I'll saddle up and attempt to out-think the minutest details, come to a comfortable stopping point, and then forget about it entirely because, well, you can always worry about the rest later. Does it sound like I'm contradicting myself? Don't think about it too much.

It's really a miracle that I get anything accomplished when I face such opposition as a split personality and bipolar tendencies. I don't let it bother me--it just adds depth and complexity. That's what makes a good protagonist, right?