All my life I've been dogmatically pursuing some idea of greatness. Some pinnacle vision. Some unachievable unknown.
All my life I have failed in obtaining it.
Sometime during my early existence I convinced myself that perfection is solely a mortal quest; that the omnipresent demands it; that it's expected of our weak flesh and brittle bones, our failing hearts and finite minds.
Slowly, I'm beginning to realize the inevitable consequence of such thinking, the truth behind the inward lies -- I do not know how to be good enough. I only know how to try to be perfect. So when my floundering missteps can no longer be swept under the vast rug of human nature, when the stark contrast between myself and attainable good crashes down upon the conscience of my mind...I shrink. Instead of standing boldly and being counted, unworthy as I am, I shrink from the awful portent of my inadequacy and in my anguish I admit I must not be trying hard enough.
...but these are not the final verses.
One clear and generously lucent day, I was given a glimpse of a feeling. A recognition -- that though I have done nothing worth true merit, I have done something, and I have done something good. I have believed. I have trusted. I have tried, failure after failure, to the best of my limited ability...and it is enough. It is enough to shed the heavy layers of my deepest shame. It is enough to stop frantically bailing water from my floating boat. It is enough to know that there is a reaching beyond my farthest reaching. To know that every good day brings me closer to taking that one day back for the rest of my life.
7 comments:
Now you can take the next step in really trusting that although your personal efforts will always be insufficient in attaining perfection through Christ and His atonement you can acquire the power and ability to bridge that gap in the various areas of your life which may be the AHA moment to which you allude. Sincerely do your best and then patiently watch for the salvation of your Lord. Happy Easter by the way.
Well written Lohra.
I love that...reaching beyond my farthest reaching. Well said.
Laura, thanks for sharing. I so appreciate what you have to say, and the insights you offer. Thanks for everything.
I think Mark's admiration was totally warranted.
thanks. you know, i've been feeling similarly lately. like there's always something more for me that i should be doing, and why can't i find it. or do it. but you're right. i'm good enough the way i am, and i need to stop feeling like that. thanks for sharing!
Once again, you should be a writer. Please look into being a writer! Very great insight!!!
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