The dare.

Late one night 3 of my friends and I dredged up some long lost teenage youthfulness and formed a pact. A dare to last 4 days. My lot was two-fold. First, to call 4 people I hadn't spoken to in at least a year. Second, to somehow work the phrase, "My lips itch bad" into our conversation...easy enough, right?

Did you know that most people you haven't spoken to in at least a year don't actually answer their phone when you call? As if they've moved on. As if they think you no longer have anything to talk about. As if.

Naturally I didn't want to call anyone who would find out later that it had all been a dare. That my friendly phone call was really just a joke on them. A pox on our friendship. Better to keep contact impersonal and scarce.

So I did it. Well...I tried. I finally got a hold of a girl from my home ward who's now living out here. We caught up, we talked about getting together, and I asked her, "My lips itch bad, do you think that means I have the swine flu?" Compassionately she told me, "You're probably going to die. There's a 100% chance you're going to die someday." We probably won't speak again for another year.

My second victim was a friend who got married awhile ago and obligatorily dropped off the face of the earth. When I told her my lips itched bad she glossed over it completely as if nothing strange was said...and maybe it's not strange...to her.

Next, a boy I tried...and failed...to date. I got it out of the way first thing. He asked me how I was. I gave him the pre-scripted line. He said, "That's kind of unique...I won't ask for any details regarding that." Then he came over and looked at my lawn. We're going to create flower beds for it this summer.

And that was it. It turns out that when you're in your late-twenties and it's not late at night and you're not with your friends...dares are not funny. None of us finished. I have three random people back in my life and none of us finished. Although I completed the most. Another friend had to invite a single male co-worker to lunch. Well, to pork, really. Every day, for 4 days. She was actually taken up on it once. Another was supposed to approach 4 random people on the street, look in their eyes, and say "Stranger Danger!" She did it once...to small children...on the other side of a fence...who just stared at her blankly. The final dare - the easiest dare - was merely to dance for 30 seconds in a public place. One of our friends does that all the time. In her normal life.

So, I'm pretty sure I should get something. Something for my ill-intentioned self-sacrifice. Something more than a reworked lawn.