Thursday, October 28, 2010

Wave of the future.

So I've been updating my resume in an effort to get a real job and I think that resumes should be used a whole lot more than they currently are.

Think about it, it's a wonderfully brief synopsis of your life -- albeit your scholastic and professional life -- but it could be the perfect answer to some of the most annoying questions in superficial social situations.

"So...what's new?" "What's new? Here's a current copy of my resume. That's what's new."

Or, "Tell me about yourself." "Eh, I'd rather not. Here, read this." Immediately, perfect strangers are aware of your most notable computer skills as well as your GPA. Best foot forward I always say.

Always.

The typical resume could also be expanded to church and dating spheres. Instead of having to fill out information about your previous callings, just hand the bishop your ecclesiastical resume.

"Assistant to the Executive Secretary: Responsibilities include 'being a female presence', carving ice sculptures for bishopric meetings, and running the ward behind the scenes.

False Doctrine Teacher: I think this one is self-explanatory, really. Weird that they would give me this calling but I did what I could with it.

Sacrament Speaker Coordinator: ...it turns out I've only ever held made up callings."

Interested in some tantalizing specimen? Uh huh, marriage resume -- well stocked with several of your most photogenic moments of course.

Something like this would probably suffice.

"Astrological sign: Aries.
Pioneer heritage: Extensive.
References: Available upon request."

Suddenly all the world is an internet dating site.

7 comments:

Linds said...

I usually just quietly chuckle to myself at blogs (more socially acceptable). This one, though, I'm still laughing out loud at (quite loudly honestly) as I sit alone in my apartment. Only one comment- do I have to put my calling on my resume? I'm on the Fast Track committee... enough said. ;)

Anonymous said...

Ah but is your pioneer ancestry extensive? I think not. Mine however...well let's just say I was in the Utah Daughters of the Pioneer pageant.

Love it. Meet expections: yes.

Candice said...

You blog is becoming one of my favorites on the internet. And there are a lot of blogs on the internet.

Kristin said...

There are few things I despise more than updating my resume. Therefore, I still have vague high school accomplishments such as Home Room Leader and Mia Maid Secretary.

The Everyday Housewife said...

Love your "church resume." You are soooo talented, Laura! You got every great calling EVER created!

A STAR is born said...

Fantastic post.
I always wish I could put more personality in resumes...because it turns out I'm just not that great on paper. See, for yours I would say:
"I have a way with words"

...instead of something bland, like "skilled in writing/editing"

Just do it. Who's to say you can't?

Katherine Lewis said...

I second what Candice said. I love your blog. I need to make my way here more often. You are funny. Not enough people are funny these days.